Midnight Thoughs #15: Marriage Story Review (Spoilers!) and Some Reflection of My Own

Image: FilmAffinity 

Told myself I would definitely watch this, especially what I have been going through lately. Not the kind of person that would do a film review so bear with me here. Perhaps, it would also be a way for me to grief. This movie, for me in a way, is surreal and gut wrenching, and it forces me to revisit my past relationship.

Didn't know much about the movie until that one particular scene got 'memed'. Many applaud the movie and the casting. Both Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson garnered some Oscar buzz. Many are actually surprise Adam Driver can act. For someone who has rewatch his SNL skits multiple times (and you should too!), I always believe he can take up any roles and own it.

But what really draws me in is the storytelling. Didn't really know what to expect. Netflix describes the movie as 'Academy Award-nominated filmmaker Noah Baumbach (who?) directs this incisive and compassionate look at a marriage coming apart and a family staying together'. The trailer which I only watched after the movie much later don't reveal much either. Upon skimmed through some reviews, I knew this movie would hit me, provide some sort of reflection on my own separation.

Sure, they are in the midst of a divorce but both Charlie (Adam Driver) and Nicole (Scarlett Johansson) are still very much in love. Both are able to write what's good about their other half, each wrote almost a page and a half. By listening what Charlie and Nicole have narrated early in the movie, I thought they compliment each other a lot, both are comfortable when the other half is around. Most of all, they manage to raise a healthy kid, Henry.

Or, another way to interpret is Nicole loves more than Charlie and Charlie just being there, getting used with Nicole being part of his life. Throughout the movie, you can see bits of Nicole notices little things of Charlie. She cut his hair when they bring the divorce case to court and tie his shoe even after they officially divorce. She even sacrifices her acting career on TV and movies to join Charlie in theater.

Dose Charlie know? He does. He writes it down and acknowledges she gave up her chance to be a TV or movie star to follow him. Sadly, he probably only sees it as an act of love until the therapist asked them to write it down. And he forgets how much she loves him until when he read the paper she wrote the other day. The line "I fell in love with him two seconds after I saw him. And will never stop loving him even though it doesn't make sense anymore." That line hits him, it hits me and a lot of men and women out there. It sounds stupid but we need to be constantly reminded how much we are loved and tell the person you love how much you love them.  Some would say the more you say 'I love you' to your s/o the word would become meaningless. For me though, just say whenever you want to say and there are many little ways to show your affection to them.

So what leads to their divorce? IMO, their similar attitude in life and the lack of communication.

Image: LA Times

We know both of them are competitive and they know their other half are competitive as well. Nicole may give up her dreams but when she finally pursue it and received an Emmy nomination, she told Charlie "Now I know what you were so obsessed with all the time." Competitiveness shown in Charlie as well when he tries his very best to convince the counselor that he is more suitable to take custody, so much so he screws the whole thing up and eventually gives up his case.The funny and obviously sad part is that they even compete who's losing more in this relationship.

Are you kidding me? I wanted to be married. I'd already lost! Image: Netflix

Now I know what you were
so obsessed with all the time.

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=marriage-storyNow I know what you were
so obsessed with all the time.

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=marriage-story

Now I know what you were
so obsessed with all the time.

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=marriage-story

Now I know what you were
so obsessed with all the time.

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=marriage-story

When both have different dreams and goals in a relationship, it really depends who is more willing to give up their dreams and follow the other. Nicole tried really hard to give in. For the past 10 years, she followed Charlie wherever his theater plays, at one point six months in Copenhagen. It's not like Charlie never give in either, he marry Nicole when he's not really ready, possibly not even wanting a child because he is so tied up with his theater company. But Nicole can only do so much, her heart will always be in TV and movies, in LA, and that's not wrong. Same goes to Charlie, he loves theater and New York and staying put in LA is never the option. This is where the cracks begin.

Yes, Nicole loves Charlie a whole lot, but she doesn't have a voice in this relationship although she kinda thought she had at the beginning. To a point that she doesn't know her own taste, herself anymore. She wants something of her own but in this marriage, that is something she won't be having. The longing for making her own decision finally granted when she can order an acquaintance to do something on her own terms (fingering). 

www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=marriage-story

I realized I...I didn't ever really come alive for myself. I was just feeding his aliveness. Image: Netflix

During the conversation with Nora the lawyer, Nicole gave examples of her voice being ignored. It's not that she never bring up the conversation. She tried but it fails every time. She also felt Charlie was gaslighting her, always made her think that she's not good enough. Or her idea of being a TV star is laughable. He even called her as a hack when she's firm on getting back to TV. 

And then, the lack of communication. This does not mean they seldom speak to each other but rather, they avoid the difficult question. Charlie even brushes it off, ignores Nicole when she confronted him. You can avoid the difficult questions for so long but you still have to face it when the time comes. Question is, are you ready to confront it with honestly or willing to accept the truth? For me, that is the hardest part being in a relationship, in a marriage. When you're in love, you can brush those questions away or you think there's no need to rock the boat when things are doing fine.

Yes, to be honest, all the problems were there in the beginning too. But... I just went along with himand his life because it felt so damn good to feel myself alive. Image: Netflix

Also, being a good listener is very important in every communication and Charlie is a horrible, horrible listener. The many times Nicole tries to bring up the important question, that's the many times Charlie shrugs it off. It's either a) Charlie is a male-chauvinist, that women should always follow what the husband is doing or b) He's afraid of losing her because he will never agree to accommodate her and move to LA when his theater is thriving in New York. Sure, he can just let Nicole do what she wants and be in LA but what happens after? Who will take care Henry? And then the distance. They can see each other, work in pairs while doing theater. What will happen when one is doing TV in LA, and the other in New York. I would like to believe this is on Charlie's head sometimes.

Image: GQ

The fight is probably a real conversation between them in a long while. Both can finally be truthful or real to each other since there's nothing more to lose. That is where how little problems and roadblocks slowly snowballs into something that is strong enough to tear them apart, to hate each other. It's just that sometimes, the tragic thing in love is that you say the harshest words towards someone you deeply love(ed) even when you don't mean it.

No dialogue or moments of hesitation is improvised in this fight scene from @MarriageStory. Everything was scripted. pic.twitter.com/sXN0gLgjrM

— Screenplayed (@Screenplayed) December 17, 2019

To end this, there are certainly many things we can talk about in this movie like the role of divorce lawyers in comparison with therapist. Therapist tries to heal while lawyers tore their marriage. Or the use of color reveals the state Charlie and Nicole in at that moment. Or the fact is both Nicole and Charlie have their own inner demons (drinking and cheating) that possibly contribute to the divorce as well. Point is, the story resonates my own (failed?) relationship. I may be a good listener but I'm not willing to talk our problems. I used to, maybe still think that in order to have a piece of mind, to maintain a relationship, the best way is to avoid it as much as possible, or don't see it as a problem. However, the problem is still there if I do not confront it properly or make an attempt to solve it together. Things can surely be done better here. 

Color is effectively used in the movie. Image: Netflix

More so, it's really difficult when both have different life goals and future. Unless both are willing to work those differences out, things would turn sour and would be even harder to solve it when a relationship switch to another gear, say getting married and having kids. Which is why when I myself cannot let go what I want and things I want to fight for,  at the same time will never want her to give up her own goals and future, it is perhaps better to end things now than later. I might regret this decision in the future but at least letting it go is a better choice for now.

This may be my last post of the year and I see you all next year! 
Wish everybody a happy and fruitful 2020!